it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
