omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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