This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
