moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
