I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
