At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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