note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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