I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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