is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Screwed.edu
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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