So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
