do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
nutella sex= disaster
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
