even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize