Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize