I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh god it's open bar.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
