I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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