He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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