I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
