Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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