soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
