I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
