Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize