I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
