the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
