dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
