I hate all girls vehemently.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
