Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
