My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
