Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
