why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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