how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
