can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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