i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
