I smell stomach acid.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
