Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
