Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize