Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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