First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
