walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
