Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
