I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
