I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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