we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
