There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
