I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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