I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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