fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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