I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
