a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
