I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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