i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
