I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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