God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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