so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
