What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
