I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
