Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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