It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
