I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
