Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
