I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
