She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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