I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
