I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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