dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
