Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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