i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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