saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
