He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
