Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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