But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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