My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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