Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
