Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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