I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
