I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
