Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
