But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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