yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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