remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
