My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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