i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize