Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
