Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
