me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
