There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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