I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
