Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
