I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
