Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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