well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
