Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
