dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
