So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize