unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
