found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have fence marks all over my body
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
