Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
