PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
