if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
