We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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