apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
