Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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