dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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