'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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