I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i will never coherently bang her
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
