Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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