Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
