why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
