planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
