Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
