Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
