guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
